


Meeting the Avengers

by vexbatch



Category: Hamilton - Miranda, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Ah fuck, FUCK, M/M, Multi, SO SAM WILSON JUST WALKED IN, as long as you don't run out of air, damn can ham talk tho, don't mind me, guess i have to write more of these now, help the characters are running away with the story, polyamorous mess steve rogers, pontification is the essence of cunning, this is secretly the sam wilson show, well fuck goddammit now they're having a fucking conversation, welp maybe in the next one alexander&steve can get it one, what even is happening, wow sam way to steal the show, you say ship wars i say polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-23
Updated: 2016-05-23
Packaged: 2018-06-10 06:15:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6943165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vexbatch/pseuds/vexbatch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The actual inspiration for this was whenever you try to post something on this website and it quotes "brevity is the soul of wit" at you. (Which, if you're going to quote Hamlet at me, maybe not look to Polonius for advice...)<br/>So I asked what would happen if Tony Stark tried to use this argument against Alexander Hamilton.<br/>It goes about as well as you would expect. </p>
<p>Also, this version of the universe inspired by QueenWithABeeThrone's hamdevil au series which I am in *love* with<br/>Assistance from the lovely BloodMooninSpace and grimmkitty</p>
            </blockquote>





	Meeting the Avengers

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [that boy is mine](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5430563) by [QueenWithABeeThrone](https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenWithABeeThrone/pseuds/QueenWithABeeThrone). 



“Polonius was a damned fool from the outset! His first fucking lines are about how he allowed himself to be worn down by his son and,” Alexander Hamilton took a breath, hitting the stride of his argument, “he not only gave in to Laertes complaint that he wanted to go back to France, where they at least had widespread Christianity and morals at that point, but was _so_ convinced that he beseeches the king on Laertes’ behalf!

“Say you accept the assumption that Lin-Manuel Miranda is the 21 st century’s equivalent of Shakespeare. Then your argument that Polonius contains knowledge and wisdom is as foolish as saying that Miranda intended King George to be seen as the salvation of the nation! No counter argument is voiced audibly by any character, because the idea is _so outrageous_ that no one thought to argue the impossible antithesis to their characters that you’re presenting!

“Besides, how do you suppose to foist upon me the advice, not only of a fictional fool who cared more for appearances than sense, but who once told his own son to give his thoughts no tongue, and not to be vulgar with his friends! Even if you thought for the sheerest instance you could convince me to follow such horrendous advice, you should at least choose a vessel that wouldn’t paint yourself as such an ostentatious hypocrite, unless that perfectly trimmed beard isn’t the façade I’ve been assuming it to be _._ ”

Tony Stark stalked across to his nearest snack-stash, punctuating his words with melodramatic hand waving. “Jesus! It was just an expression!”

“And a poor one at that; you should pay attention to where your language comes from.” Alexander managed to look imposing for another .6 seconds before a grin broke out in response to the scowl covering Tony’s carefully maintained face.

Bucky had been chuckling from his arm chair since the musical named after their recently resuscitated founding father had been mentioned, but finally broke in, “Is he always like this?”

Openly laughing behind the kitchen counter, Steve nods. “Yeah, pretty much. Except when he’s shouting inarticulate abuse at Jefferson documentaries, and even then he’s splitting his attention with the latest letter to the Post.”

Alexander glared across at his adorable _holy shit you are seriously dating this man and meeting the equivalent of his family, wow. This was **much** different from the Schuyler family. _ He glanced at the floor, remembering the loss of his wife and her elder sister, remembering the look on Eliza’s face when she found out about Mrs. Reynolds…

Then Steve was there, one hand on Alexander’s chin, looking down at him with those saccharine blue eyes, forehead crinkled in worry. _Except that John Laurens is alive. And knows Steve. Knows about what our relationship is. Everyone knows what is going on. Everything is fine._ “You’re getting flour on my jacket” Alexander manages to whisper up at him.

A sudden bright smile emerges, transforming Steve’s face in an instant. “I wouldn’t be if you had waited to take your jacket off before laying into Tony about his choice of Shakespearian allusions.” A chuckle burst out as Alexander reached up and squeezed Steve’s arm, then pulled his phone out.

 

** Alexander [1:42pm]: ** I love you

** John [1:43pm]:  ** I know

** Alexander [1:43pm]: ** I see Jones* showed you Star Wars {*Jessica Jones}

** John [1:43pm]:  ** We’re only on the second (fifth?) one, but I am loving this space pirate business

 

Leaning against the kitchen’s island as Alexander texted, Tony exclaimed, “I was just making conversation! I didn’t realize I was going to get a dissertation on the uses of Polonius in the process!” Bucky managed to catch Tony’s eye again, then burst into laughter. “You know what? I give up!” Tossing his hands in the air, Tony stalked towards the elevator. “If you need me, I’ll be in the workshop. JARVIS?”

The house answered from the speaker set into the side of the elevator, making Alexander jump and spin, looking for the source of the noise. “Make sure they send down scones when they’re done, sir?”

Tony turned, crossing his arms as he ground to a halt in the elevator. “The only useful one in this whole fucking tower,” he muttered.

“Oh!” Clutching his hands dramatically to his chest, Alexander swayed, “Oh! I am slain!” before collapsing on Steve, the larger man chuckling at the founding father in his arms. Bucky’s bark of laughter was met with one last glare from Tony before the elevator doors closed.

“Well that went about as well as I expected,” Steve commented as he lifted his boyfriend back onto his feet.

Bucky got to his feet as the oven’s timer went off, moving to silence the wretched annoyance. “Yeah, you got Tony out of the room _way_ faster than I ever could. In fact, we might need a competition  between you and Clint to see which can get him to leave faster.”

“Oooh, I’ll make popcorn, and Coulson can keep score” Finally taking off the be-floured apron, Steve hung it on a hook already crowded with various atrocious (and often nerdy) smocks and pinafores.

“Well I can’t very well let a man go around thinking that he can quote any damn appearance-obsessed fool without sounding like a pretentious, under-educated idiot.” Moving toward the counter and the delicious smell of fresh baked scones, Alexander found a seat on the barstools in front of the counter. “I mean, what would the world come to if these grievous wrongs were not corrected?”

Bucky glanced at Steve with a secret smile before placing the tray on top of the stove and reaching for the plates. “Given the state of the world when we woke up, a hate-filled cesspit of hypocrites, war, and plunging economies. But what’s new? At least they legalized gay marriage.” He shrugged, nearly throwing a scone on each plate before sucking his fingers. “Damn these are hot.”

“What did you expect?” Steve leaned over and kissed him. “You did get them straight out of the oven”

Alexander chuckled, “I’m pretty sure there’s nothing straight about anything in this whole tower.”

Bucky turned around to look at his metamour, his face deep in contemplation as Steve reached behind him to retrieve the plates and passed one to Alexander. “I’m pretty sure you’re right…I know about Nat and Pep and…didn’t they drag Hill along that one time?”

“One time?” Steve put down his scone. “I thought they were an ongoing thing?”

Bucky shrugged. “She’s over often enough, they could all be dating. And Thor definitely can’t keep his hands to himself regardless of species, much less gender, though he’s pretty attached to Jane at the moment…Jane technically doesn’t live here…ummmm Bruce?”

Steve countered around his mouthful of apple cinnamon scone, “Aces, so heteromantic, not heterosexual. Though I know he’s finally started talking to Betty again, which is good.” He wandered over to sit next to Alexander, casually winding an arm around his waist.

“Okaay, so that leaves…” Bucky turned his head, shouting at the wall. “SAAAAAM?”

There was a brief silence presumably wherein Sam paused his game-of-the-week. “WHAAAT?”

“ARE YOU STRAIGHT?”

Another silence, this one shattered by pounding footsteps as Sam Wilson made his way to the kitchen. “STRAIGHT?” he called, turning the corner with a glare that would have put Cyclops to shame.

Stuffing the better part of a scone in his mouth, Bucky managed, “yeah.”

“Um, no. Like, really not.” Sam turned to Steve. “Did you seriously miss all of the THOUSANDS of times I was flirting with you? Come on, Nat and Clint will _not stop_ teasing me that you won’t date me because I’m a falcon and not a fucking _bald eagle_.” Alexander began chuckling, but quieted himself by quickly taking another bite of scone. “Seriously. Are you just blind?”

There was a quiet thud as Steve’s pastry hit the counter. “Oh.” He sat mildly petrified, staring over at his best friend. “I. Um.”

The silence stretched for another moment before Bucky turned back to Alexander. “So yeah, you’re right, there’s not a living thing in this house that’s straight, go us.” He leaned forward and high fived Alexander. “You know, we did promise Tony some scones. Want to come see his workshop?”

“Yeah. I should probably give him some better options for Shakespearian role models than Polonius while we’re at it.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Pulling on a t-rex oven mitt, Bucky grabbed the pan with the rest of the scones.

“Don’t you not need an oven mitt, what with the,” Alexander gestured at Bucky’s left arm, “ah, metal arm?”

Bucky gave his best deadpan stare. “And deprive myself of the glory of dinosaur oven mitts? What kind of Polonius do you take me for?” Alexander gave a surprised laugh and Bucky’s stare split into a grin. Sam and Steve, however, continued to impersonate living statues at each other, emphasis on the statue. “Plus, you know, Tony might have been working on upgrading the coffee machine while Barton’s out with his sister Laura and the kids. So, we should probably try to save the coffee machine?”

“Ooh, what kind of upgrades?” Alexander, now completely distracted by the prospect of improving coffee, began striding towards the elevator, Bucky by his side as Steve began to form words behind them.

“Sam, I’m-”

“Is he making it like an espresso machine? Or is he keeping its coffee making traditional and improving the time? Oh, or is it going to have a personality like the elevator does-”

“Actually, sir, my name is JARVIS, and I run throughout through the whole house, and in Mr. Stark’s suits.”

“Oh really? What are your main capabilities? Are you like his friend? Does he market other versions of you for sale? Can you-” The garrulous tirade ended as the elevator dinged shut behind them, leaving Captain America, full of apologies and oddly speechless, and his best friend the Falcon, full of emotion and new-found words.

“Okay, so we met at the reflecting pool when you kept fucking lapping me. So, imagine for a second you’re in the Air Force, you’ve just left and are dealing with your PTSD from watching your right hand man go down right fucking next to you. You’re helping other vets because mental illnesses are a bitch and you’ve got some experience in this category, and some hot dude just fucking runs past you, teasing you when you get flustered by it. You stop and talk and you have more in common than you think and you try to recommend him some music because you don’t exactly have a mix tape on you…

And you think, that was fun, but it’s going nowhere. Except he comes back. And you fight together and win together and he gets together with his not-so-dead husband and you think it’s over. Until he starts dating Tony Fucking Stark. And Alexander Goddamn Hamilton. So you flirt more, but it just keeps glancing off. I wondered if it’s a race thing? Or you just see me as a friend or…” he trailed off, staring at the blonde-haired mountain of a man he accidentally fell in love with.

“I’m sorry Sam.” He really did look pained in that moment, brow contorted down, but with a hint of joke in his eye…

“So what is it?” Finally tired of standing, rigid with his anxiety and emotion, Sam came around to flop into the seat next to Steve, counter still covered in crumbs. 

Steve offered Sam the rest of his pastry, now significantly cooler, and they both stared into the microwave, sitting with an empty stool between them. “So. I thought you were just being friendly? Um-”

“So when you lost horribly at strip poker and I couldn't take my eyes off you?”

“To be fair, neither could Clint, and I know he's monogamous and devoted to Phil.”

A brief silence. Sam took a bite of the scone, spilling more crumbs along the countertop. “Mmm, scones are good.”

“Thanks.”

Another pause. “So. Um. I would be interested in dating you. But also…”

Steve glanced over, catching Sam's eye. “Don't want to loose your best friend?”

“Exactly! Like, I get that having two new relationships at once is a lot. And four people is a lot. But I’m going to be your best friend no matter what. If that’s cool with you?”

A hand came down on Sam's shoulder, large and comforting. “We're always going to be best friends. That's not something I want to loose either. Thank you for acknowledging that this is a lot for me right now, because it is. And I'm going to want to take things a bit slow, but…”

“You know your butt gets me all excited.” He flashed a wink at Steve, who immediately burst out laughing. “Alright, so taking things slow. Does this mean I get to take you on a date?”

Steve flushed. “Hopefully several. I can't believe I never picked up on that though.” He glanced at Sam, who had started laughing. 

“Yeah, for someone who flirts constantly, you're pretty oblivious. Alright,” Sam started getting up, “we should probably go make sure Tony hasn't done anything too atrocious to the coffeemaker. Somehow I don’t trust Alexander to do anything but ask questions and probably encourage the shenanigans.”

“Oh god, Clint would kill us if Tony broke it.” They brushed arms as they walked to the elevator.

“You know Clint keeps a backup coffee maker in the ceiling of his room, right?” The next time their hands brushed, Sam reached a little further and they entered the  the elevator holding hands.

Steve looked over at Sam, a softness in his eyes brought on by the freedom of finally talking about your emotions with your best friend/crush. “I did not know that.”

“Yeah,” Sam intoned, leaning closer as the doors to the elevator shut, “you tend to miss a lot.”

JARVIS decided now would be the time to employ the elevator’s speed control, allowing Sam and Steve to luxuriate in their first kiss before arriving, a little flustered, in the workshop. Steve pulled away as the elevator dinged. “On your left,” he whispered before darting out the door. Sam blinked for a moment, then smiled full and warm at Steve’s back. _Well, this is going to get interesting..._


End file.
